Other than the incessant ticking of the clock the house is silent. Every 30 minutes or so the furnace will shutter, forcing dry air to circulate through the house. And I am sitting alone, being consumed by the silence.
On a Saturday afternoon after a long and busy week, this is what most people long for, peace and quiet. I, however, am not most people. This quiet, this stillness, this solidarity… this is my worst nightmare. Without the warmth and the noise of another person I feel empty. I feel lost. I feel exceptionally lonely.
All the introverts are scratching their heads in confusion, “there is so much to do when you are alone!” they say. I could do laundry, I should do laundry, I need to do laundry. But I don’t. I could clean the kitchen, everyone would be so happy if I cleaned the kitchen, but I have no desire to do that either. I could read my book. I like this book a lot and today would be the perfect day to curl up and read. But I’m distracted. My brain can’t focus on the words and I think I’ve just read the same page over 3 times. I could go to the gym, its been a few days and a nice workout could be exactly what I need. But I have no energy, no strength and no will power.
It isn’t that I’m tired, I slept in today. It is because solitude sucks away all my energy, it drains away my motivation and muffles out my desires. This isn’t depression, not yet, I’ve only been alone for a few hours. But if I were stuck in this situation for more than a week… I’m afraid to find out what might happen to me. I’m afraid. The idea of being alone, the concept of solitude is so overwhelmingly frightening. My breath is catching in my chest just thinking about it. But I am also aware of how needy this makes me, how reliant on others it makes me, how dependant it makes me. How pathetic.
I am aware but it does not change anything. Please don’t give me solitude.
Last night was my annual office holiday party. You know, the time of the year that office employees love to hate. Being that I just started working at my office job in September this was my first ever office party and you know what… It was so awkward.
Honestly, I’m not sure what it was. Maybe that is just how Christmas parties are… I really wanted to use the party as an opportunity to better get to know my co-workers. It’s difficult in the work place to get personal but I figured with some alcohol, food and Christmas decorations I could take some good steps towards turning a co-worker into a friend. Sadly not the case.
Bree (pictured above) is probably my closest friend in the office. We share the same space so we chat a lot and know a lot about each others lives. Sadly, she had to leave pretty early so I was flying solo. I attempted to make small talk with people who I don’t really know from a different department but those conversations lasted maybe 3 minutes each. With both parties weirdly staring into their drinks until one of us had the guts to say “anyway, nice meeting you”…
Then I spent some time with my own department. I spend everyday with these people but I can’t even list on one hand the things that I know about their personal lives. For me this is weird, I am a friendly-open person. With my own department we took some very forced “fun” photo booth pictures and then I lingered on the outside of inside joke conversations… Thank goodness I had a glass of wine to sip on. It filled many silences.
Then after the band played (also awkward) my boss told me that it is a tradition to do yager bomb shots in her office with the Development department. Trying to fit in I opted to join. First things first, yager is disgusting. Second, I was still awkwardly lingering on the outside of conversations but this time with a disgusting drink in hand.
Eventually Lucas arrived to endure the torture of the office party with me. He was actually really sweet. He dressed in a nice outfit. He shook everyone’s hands. He took a lame picture with me at the photo booth. And he sat with me and played trivia until it was an appropriate time for us to bail. At the end of the day I’m not sure if it was the awkwardness of the office party or if it was just me. Probably both. Hopefully both. In my non-work life I have a super solid group of amazing friends and realistically I don’t need my co-workers to be my friends and yet I still find myself asking the question… Am I Awkward?
Share in the comments! Was your office Christmas party as awkward as mine?
It is December, people! I am not entirely sure how or when it happened but I am overjoyed because the holiday season has arrived! That being said, sometimes between work, finals, grey skies and over crowded shopping malls, it can be easier to say “bah hum bug” at this time of year. Fear not, friends! I have come up with 10 sure fire ways to get you into the holiday spirit this year and every year to come.
1. Go Ice Skating
Most outdoor ice rinks offer free or very cheap skating and some rinks even offer skate rentals. Skating is the type of activity that is great for dates or group hang outs. It is also a great way to get in some exercise during the season of cookies Christmas…
If you are in Toronto check out Nathan Phillips Square.
2. Build a Ginger Bread House
This does not have to be complicated. Grab some friends and head over to your local grocery store. Ginger bread house kits basically come with four walls, a roof and icing. The rest is up to you! Let your creativity thrive!
The best part? When you’re done decorating, you have a delicious snack!
3. Play in the Snow
This is only possible if you live in a colder climate, which I definitely do, because Canada. But seriously, brave the cold! Get outside! Embrace your inner child! Enjoy nature! There are so many snow related activities, it could be a list of it’s own. Build a snow man, go tobogganing, go skiing, make a snow angel… The possibilities are endless.
4. Take a Walk & Look at the Lights
Is there anything more beautiful than a display of Christmas lights? Personally, I love the twinkle and sparkle of bright lights on a cold, dark night.
My favourite? Lights on trees. Sure, it’s a little eerie but it is also so stunning!
5. Cut Down Your Own Tree
About 25 minutes north west of my house there is a tree farm where people can go to cut down their own Christmas trees. My family has only ever done this once but it sure was a blast. My brother got to wield a hack saw and we got to pick out the most perfectly shaped tree for our living room.
6. Decorate Everything
Literally everything. Cover your tree with ornaments, put a tinsel garland on your railings, hang stockings from your mantle, put a hat on the dog, put fake snow in the windows, hang snow flakes from the ceiling. I’m not even kidding, decorate it all then your heart can be filled with joy in every room of the house.
7. Attend a Christmas Concert
This past Sunday I went to Roy Thomson Hall to see the Toronto Symphony Orchestra (TSO) Annual Family Christmas Concert. It was excellent! The whole program was fun and constantly entertaining as it was geared towards children. The TSO started by playing a few familiar Christmas carols, then they accompanied a short film with the help of a narrator. The second act was more carols sung by the Cawthra Park Chamber Choir. As you can see in the picture, Santa even came for a visit at the end of the show. A professional orchestra and Christmas music and Santa?! Does it get any better than that?!
8. Dress in your Holiday Best
Bust out that ugly Christmas sweater, bedazzle your nails to your hearts delight. Are your favourite colours red and green? Wear them together without fear of judgement. Personally, I opt for a lot of silver and gold during the holiday season.
9. Listen to some Christmas Music
I am a bit of a music nerd so good Christmas music always gives me the feels. With artists releasing new Christmas albums every year there is so much to choose from! Sure, the songs are the same but the arrangements are different.
This season I have been playing the newly released album by Pentatonix. A-capella Christmas music? Yes please.
10. Take a picture with the Man in Red
No one embodies the spirit of Christmas more the jolly Ol’ St. Nick. So head to the mall & have your picture taken with father Christmas himself. A photo with Santa is guaranteed to make a great Christmas card in the future.
Well, there you have it, folks. I’m already feeling more Christmas-y just from writing that post. Did I miss your favourite method of spreading Christmas cheer? Is it singing loud for all to hear? (Elf reference, anyone?) Now it’s your turn, share in the comments!
Yes, I am posting about showing and no, the question is not should I have a shower… because if you are ever asking yourself that question the answer should always be yes. Go take a shower.
The question is what is the optimal time of day to shower for a Nine-to-Fiver like myself.
I’ve created a pretty comprehensive pro and con list for morning showering and night showering, which I am obviously going to share. But first I’d like to know your option on this news worthy subject.
It wakes you up:When I shower in the morning my days are much more focused and productive.
You are guaranteed to smell good all day:There is nothing nicer than the smell of soap and shampoo. Am I right?
Your hair will stay voluptuous longer:My hair tends to lose it’s bounce after its been slept on.
You have to wake up early:Morning showering takes my morning routine from 20 minutes to a full hour, which means way less sleep.
If you don’t have the time to style then your hair will dry puffy:At least mine will, my hair is great for styling but when it air dries it is frizzy and puffy and just terrible.
Damp hair outside in the winter is very cold:Canada is the wrong place to go outside with wet hair for 8 out of 12 months in the year.
You have plenty of time to dry & style your hair:The only time constraint you have is your bed time.
Braiding your hair and sleeping on it wet is the easiest way to get beach waves: I love a good curly do. Especially in the middle of winter, it allows me to reminisce on warmer days.
Cleaning off after a long day is so refreshing:Standing under the water at the end of the day is possibly the most satisfying feeling ever.
Wanting to go to bed and being forced to wait for your hair to dry:This is the worst. All you want to do is sleep but you know that if you sleep on your hair right now it will end up looking like a mess in the morning.
You can’t use hair oil:Because you will look like a grease ball if you don’t wake up and wash it out.
You have so many other things to do:When you need to do laundry, make lunch, exercise and watch your favourite tv show… showering is the last thing on the list.
Well, that just about sums up my thought processes. It seems as though I think about my hair a lot. Do you have any more to add to the list? Let me know in the comments!
Showering: Morning Vs Night. Who will you vote for?